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Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Time:9:06 pm.
Trying hard to radiate love and kindness.

Trying not to let any dickheads bring me down.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

Subject:Karma
Time:4:56 pm.
You opened it. Good luck. Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they miss you. Something good will happen to you between 1:00 pm and 4:40 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Tonight at midnight they will remember how much they loved you. You will get a shock of a lifetime tomorrow, a good one. If you break the chain you will be cursed with relationship problems for the next 2 years. Karma. If there is someone you loved, or still do, and can't get them out of your mind, re-post this in another city within the next 5 minutes. Its amazing how it works.If you truly miss someone, a past love, and can't seem to get them off your mind...then re-post this titled as "Karma" Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, January 27th, 2012

Time:11:40 pm.
****FROM SAVED DRAFT****
I need some kind of record of my thoughts. It shouldn't be this (dead)livejournal.
Flashes of clarity.
Logotherapy.
I'm reaching upward. I'm trying.
Still can't sleep much at night.
Very paranoid.
Working on school, relationships, self-esteem, organization.
I have no idea where I am going. I do not have a roadmap.
Does the planet have a roadmap?
Does time have a roadmap?
Fuck this
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Time:10:40 pm.
there is a disparate nature
in the order of things
for chaos is imposed as order
and in growth, chaos
and order imposes chaos
to see the form
in such chaos
is there knowledge
through dissonance
is life interesting
challenging and meaningful
i dream the self harmonic
the coupling
of thought and action
in assembling the meter
melody and tone
in engaging the dance
between in-tune
and out-of-tune
and instrument, of such
heightened musical functioning
as to find harmony
in the marriage
of thought to action
and of day to night
the music of the spheres
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Time:11:52 pm.
i dream the body asleep
to rid the ego
to abolish physical
i roam, where i ought to
i dream the self awake
always, forever aware
i travel as i feel is right
i tend to go with
what we are
when we are
there is an end to these
worldly divisions
i am free
to dance among the infinite
to see the trees, the breeze
and the stars above
i cultivate the desire
to love in experience
and dream the dream
as dreams ought to be
and to find the love
in the waking world
as it already is
hiding
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Subject:LUTHER'S
Time:3:13 am.
BRING ME MY BLADE, WOMAN
as of this moment
we are at war
we're just like you

to dream in color once more
to see the breeze
such folly, dreams
take the fool's word as your own

it was all me
mine, this, this here is mine
i made it
this is all mine
it was me all along

two sides of a fence
shouting on both ends
a great many voices heard
straight on til morning


i've fallen and i can't get up
i've lost my glasses
no, i don't know where we are
can you give me directions to the bus station

this one here, labeled unfit
defective; return to warehouse
your entire line will be boxed
any last words?

difficult both ways for me
i thought i might
share in the difficulty
we took separate paths
on the way down

everything you know is wrong
there is no rightlyness to anything
such is the path of the sly fox
always dreaming

THE WAR IS OVER NOW
you are of the last to survive
we have enough food and water
TELL US THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Subject:CUT YOUR HAIR YOU DIRTY HIPPIE
Time:11:02 pm.
the fates acting wildly
at the wellspring
of ambrosia again

to dream the body electric
ecstatic electric sporadic erratic
i swim the stream
i see the breeze
these two people
are one in the same


make plans for damages
we're getting too close
always have a backup plan
the button, finally
PRESS START TO BEGIN

look to history for your answers
destiny is past tense
the choice is in the present
don't forget to bring
yourself

what staggering odds
says he
what eloquent ratios
he says
what better place to fish
than in the sea?
fish are chickens
feel free to drink the water
and don't forget to leave a tip
this one
he says
she's eyein' me


this person the stranger
first person the stranger
not quite the true first
do not forget the zero person
the first is a constant identity
the zero is the true first
do not forget
to carry the zero



that's quite the gale
my, these torrents
i say its raining cats out there
snowed in, you say
life in the good ol' days
BEFORE THE TIME
OF ELECTRIC TORNADOES
AND HURRICANES OF FIRE


i hear the voices
their myriad tones and textures
each one a world
of its own
HELP US
SAVE US
WE NEED YOU
HELP US ALL
SAVE US
WE NEED YOUR HELP
there is little choice in such matters



i've got doppelgangers and nemesis's about
not good, says me
lets ride the riot, says he
a sign of the times, i says
grab yourself some ale
a blade wouldn't hurt either
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

Subject:THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
Time:2:46 am.
what do you get
the man who has everything
if everything
is not at all
what he would wish


what to get
the man who has everything
some would say
'you get that man'
'just what he needs'
'nobody has everything'
'if he has everything,
than he doesn't need a thing'



i dream the dream
awake or otherwise
worlds taking form, manifest
passing before my very eyes
i sing the microbial song
i dance the subatomic
i resonate an aura
of otherworldly frequencies
this isn't the right one
i am a master
find the right one
one of the overlords
master of the ballgame
i'm telling you, let it
master of the ballgame of the spheres
let the right one in




if you let the right one in
the rest will fall in a line
and in concert rise the body
electric rising fluttering notes
white hot explosive forces
colliding cataclysmic collisions
compounding collaterals crashing;
chaos in the depths of space
dip your head into the time stream
you will know the face of the Supreme
It is everywhere that you choose to see it
if your eyes are clouded
if truth is what you seek
first things first;
discard your identity,
and then, do you
let the right one in




it is a challenge
some say we have the sight
somewhere deep inside
i know the truth is waiting for me
a seer who does not see
the listener who does not hear anything
you have entered a corrupted pathway
sometimes i see the future
sometimes i hear the past
sometimes i feel the present
if i listen to that gut feeling
it feels like being punched










the raids have been getting worse
i'm running out of books
not a single ship for 432 days
morale is extremely low
first officer showing first signs
of this new kind of infection
probability of finding a cure
we soldier on forth
point zero zero zero zero zero eight nine percent
we are alone now this ship is ours
we are this alone is ours this ship we are
i can play the piano all i want
we are alone with them on this ship our ship
encountering difficulties eliminating remaining infection
from the lower section of the ship
ice cream rations are beginning to get low
bulkheads 16 through 19 closing
i've been excercising playing raquetball on C deck
infected spreading throughout decks A, C, D, G through K, M and N
i just play freestyle now
luckily the weapons stores vastly outnumber
those trained to use them
i don't think of the old life much
we were with emily back then
this chicken is dry
i decided to close off all the bulkheads
luckily the library and kitchen are still ours
i'm running out of records to listen to
i've successfully eliminated infected in 9 out of 27 contaminated decks
i found a guitar in one of the captain's quarters
things were good, when we were with emily
no radio contact of any kind either human or otherwise
sometimes, things are real tough
i don't know what happened towards the end
it seems that the longer i leave them to wait
the stronger they become
other times, things were just, right
i can't say things have gotten much worse since then
i haven't been able to play raquetball lately
though i can't say things are altogether well now
16 our of 27 decks decontaminated
we'll be the last to ship out
i loved you then
with one last, final mission
and i still love you now, emily
we jump in, punch on the gas
and take this baby to hell
with a huge great hulking mass of them too
in the end, after i broke through
the fourth wall
staring at the great heart
a winged mass shrieking descending
took aim my rifle unto the great heart
thinking of you
somehow they didn't eat my head
i wish they would have ate
my eyes first






i dream a dream
to be a different person
i dream of tides
i will create a trajectory
as to rise to the challenge
through a lean system
of decoys and red herrings
meanwhile us, encroaching on
the one and only real target
some kind of ripples coming out of a central sphere
and now we are not in this place we once were
there is an ocean, what a strange thing to see here
i look to my comrades
and we are all melting
except it doesn't hurt like melting
just feels real hot
and all of my officers
look like human lava lamps
"we're in a real tight spot" one of them says
his head is enormous
suddenly i'm wearing different clothes
i smell horrible
i must be drunk
i see the news on a television screen
i look around the bar
i see their stares, i see the glares and think to myself,
"this place is dangerous in a different way"
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

Time:7:10 pm.
challenge the masters
break free your self, go
we drill to the surface
no use for a name

no need for a hero



these times they make
me cold and sweat
they make me kinda tired
these times these times
some kinda regret
this is the
time of fire

lookin' for something higher
this water ain't gettin drier





i once knew a man
he shakes he takes
what he need who he want
who do you need
take from you
who do you
how do you
live with youself
how do you think
this man, stinks






i caught you dreaming
i didn't want to wake you up
such few opportunites
to dream







you break my heart
so thorough and completely
in disbelief i stare into
nothing

nothing else to do
nowhere else to run
noplace else to go away
to try to forget you

i guess its not to be
if you've a heart of stone for me
even so
i would warm your heart if i could


the universe works in strange ways, strange days are these. self-loathing, disorganized, disheveled, mentally in pieces. my head is in other places, the meat is elsewhere. i think of duty, i think of attachment, i think of love, i think of friendship. i've put something up high, out of reach. that which is the metaphor is made manifest. to be human, is to desire. to be human, is to have your heart broken. i don't have any idea how to heal wounds, so i simply carry them around. it doesn't add up. by dropping all pretenses, do i don the facade. these things are facades. anyone is a dirty confused orphan child, drunk and lost. i take little comfort in anything. i want to hide my face. i try not to keep people that listen to this sort of discourse around. i can think of 2 that are far away. some would say one might return, some day another most suredly will not. for some arbitrary reason do i enact a spiritual link between the two vessels. if one returns, so too will i allow the other to return. if neither bird returns, then its a simple matter of destiny. and yet i know only one ship will return. i want to take the part of a ghoul, i want to teach about human destiny, and choice. of all the myriad worlds, this one. of all the people, this one. i'd rather a being of pure spirit, collective in my will to control, free to commune in the spirit tongues with beings vertebrate vegetable physical nonphysical or otherwise. i know in my heart of hearts such a place exists. the decisions i've made as a human. The people I've met. I give my identity and personality away. I live in service of the Lord, the supreme personality. for His personality is much like my human identities personality. There are many facets, most of them good. I give my heart to the service of the Lord, in hopes that he may save me............. To live in the service of the divine, i will do my duty without attachment to the result, i will achieve the greatest result without attachment to any reward or consequence. In that i will simply be an instrument of the cosmos, enacting perfectly anything and everything that is required of me. I will find my problems, and i will identify and eliminate them. As a human i am born to innate deficiency, as I awaken as a sentient being i will find a path to be in the service of the Lord, the all knowing, all seeing, all loving, all charismatic, all understanding
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Time:3:19 am.
burning lava
pools of fiery jet fuel
you are surrounded
your last thoughts are of

there are a great many
paradigm available
the only question then remains
to which does one turn

the self does not see
as sight is sought
you are not the self
this has all happened before

idolatry
is a sin
this can be held of people alike
thou shalt not deify people

rich decadent luxuries, tapestries
fine wines and cheeses
their leader was a head in a jar
we all drew our guns

alchemically speaking
i am seeking a reagent
for my preexisting
wildcard five star fireworks special surprise

he is a friend of mine
we don't see each other much
i will always cherish
the time we spent together

i see the old man
there are a few of them
i do not know which
is most like me

i am in the wrong cycle
i am caught in a backdraft
seven years, twelve brothers meet
at the crook in the swan

i hold myself and my enemies
in the same category
in that i know that all of us
both are
notorious and infamous
for a myriad of reasons

this invisible
untouchable
glass ceiling above
how soon
shall i remove it

i really should tell you
how you treat me is despicable
and still, here i am
to be human is to wallow in the mud

i live on the edge of everywhere
i ride the line
i see the trees, as they see themselves
i free the speak of dreams
i speak the truth
i see the dreams

this is very much a morality play
for every choice
a consequence
i reside in the realm of
indecision
these days here numbered
for every action
a reaction
for every inaction
an action
what does a hero look like

flood the ears with sound
good vibrations
dip your feet
in clear blue water







long prickly metal
spider things
armed at the dozen
a thousand poison tips
entering your bloodstream




two sets of dreams
the first i'm in a parallel dimension
where everything is all wrong
everything that could have turned out bad
did, for almost everyone
the second set
i do not remember much
but sometimes
i am beyond the infinite
when i am awake i am here
the castle ariadne of the planet Nobuiro
whose green skies sparkle brightly after sunsett
due to copper calcite dust
in the upper atmosphere
the only home i've ever known, COGUL



five sets of dreams
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 16th, 2009

Time:12:54 am.
for all that a full day makes
is not quite enough
i find forever is perfectly long enough
to wait

its true we find the simple things
at the ends of the earth
only time will tell
this next dawn shall be our awakening

we find new forms in magic
to solve problems
and in our darkest hour
do we find peace

ages pass on the horizon
we will rise again
find your chorus
in the song of the many

we change the shape of face
all orderly, all arranged neatly nicely
this shaft leads to the core
we go down

nine in tandem
walking in a line
five at random
making a scene

questionable leadership
sparks fly, lines are drawn
calculating impact trajectory
i've been hit
repeat
i've been hit
i'm going down

we make mistakes
we take breaks
we make haste
we make wastes

finding your future
is not easy to see
the task at hand
is with the right man

dream about you
i see the trees
i do dream about you
and i we see the trees

some folks
just have to be seen and heard
others folks still
prefer not to be seen at all

what's left of him
this time it's for
all the marbles
knucklehead

people that
resonate in higher realms
are always
more attractive
than those that
do not

as a reviewer
i tend to organize my thoughts
starting with
the bad parts

this is what i think
of you and i
*makes fist*
*plunges fist into peanut butter and jelly sandwich*

i write articles on culture
for the new york times
fascinating
you also have bad breath

lets go lets go
lets have a picnic
i'll make you a sandwich
lets have a sandwich here first

UFO's
scary little grey men
that come from outer space
to feast on your dreams

UFO's
divine lizardmen
in holy golden armor
with ivory jewlery
and piercings

UFO's
WE ARE IN COMMUNICATION
THERE ARE OVERLORDS
WE ARE THE MODERATORS
WE ARE THE PEACEKEEPERS
BETWEEN THE OVERLORDS
AND THE RADICALS
WE ARE THE WATCHERS
YOUR CONCIOUSNESS
IS NOT YET ADVANCED
FOR US TO OBTAIN
TRUE COMMUNICATION
WE WISH TO RECRUIT YOU
IN TIME
YOU WILL BE A WATCHER
LIKE US

UFO's
pillars of fire
the cities are burning
we must leave at once
our homeworld
is fallen
assemble the fleets
i want a strike team
on those lancers
escort my wife
to the brig and
tell my daughter
i love her

UFO's
you are light years away
wandering around in sub-light
happy birthday, darling
i baked you a cake
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Time:11:48 am.
i hate myself.

i wish i was someone else.

i wish i was something other than human.

i want to create changes in my life.

i want to feel loved by other human beings.

i hate myself, just about all of it.

i don't think that earth is a great place to be.

i want to go away.

i don't want to ever see or hear from another human being not for a long while.

i haven't heard music in forever.

i really, really don't like myself.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Subject:WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?
Time:11:22 pm.
you've left the airlock now. you close the door, and turn the lock, despite shouts and bangs from the other side. close your eyes. know now, the truth. this one doesn't belong. cries go unnoticed. a prolific, earth shaking bang. to stop time, for once. a cry for help. tell us, in that universal language of thought. standing before them, dozens and dozens in a circular array around you. stand tall, meet the gaze of thousands. mirror, mirror, on the wall. the many selves are all here. shed this costume for the first time, fly high. take me away, oh take me away. forgive us our trespassers, as we forgive those who trespass against us. the sound of silence fills the air. you look unto the ship, from whence you came. great waves of panic. lay your head to rest. what it would be like with out you. silence the eyes, let go of the chatter. go now. i will always remember you. eyes hinting at something. go now, or forever hold your silence. look me in the eyes, what is it you see? find ye a steed, ride with me. go now, lest you go at all. take ye a blade, come fly with me. find me in the forest. open your eyes. take the rest. take a rest. hell's around the corner. in the end, there will be only chaos. not with a bang, but with a whimper. your ship becomes smaller on your horizon. flashing camera lights. it is as you wish. wish you were here. speck on the horizon. far, far away.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

Subject:MONSTER IN MY CLOSET
Time:1:13 am.
we will take change. we will make change. change is screaming at the top of its lungs. gather three the fates, spin the threads. all signs point to yes. the twelth planet. do you see the future, do you see the past? to be human is to want. i can feel it now, it's stronger then ever before. that which keeps you up at night. the misunderstood, the rejected, the discarded. if what you say is true, they could be dangerous. enter the heart of darkness. all is soundless, all is dark. all others distant, an expanse before you. the true path too few will find. we are exact. all manner of terrifying creatures. the day the earth stood still. viscous crimson. we all arrive at different times, despite having traveled the same distance. all at once, to the beat of the same drum. the void calls, every last one. i sing the body electric. sound the trumpet far and wide, let them hear it in their bones. something wicked this way comes. despite having a perfectly clear memory of my entire child/teen/adult life i cannot say for one moment that i have a clear memory of anything. an amnesiac, on a scale of centuries. I am the robot. I am the eggman. who were the pale faced bearded men and their attendants? how did they get to the eastern continents? what is the meaning of the stone, and where are the other seven shards? where did they come from, how many times have they been here? the one true king. darkening sky on the fifth sun. the ground shook as the earth opened up; a great squat froglike thorned creature emerged from carpets of magma. the belly of the beast swelled with power; a great thundering horn cackled through the sky, the earth shook, great vents of steam and fire spewed from the underneath. grand blocks of earth suspended in air, shocked faces and lightening clouds. let us meet who you really are. stunned, each one staring back at you with eyes unique, radiant, enormous. there are many visions. any one of them true. picking apart knots, one by one. there are knots, and then there is smoothness. you live in a world of both.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Subject:MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL
Time:1:18 am.
Mood: nauseated.
what is it you see, with lingering gaze? what is it that you seek? like an onion, layered, faceted. finding just the right road, which way to be. i take things apart. things fall apart. scanning the wreck for survivors, a ringing in your ears. things come up, things go down. do you stand tall? or do you linger in shadows? have you decided? every last one, we are all, transformed. we are the music makers. through eyes closed do i see clearly. the news dropped like a bomb. billions of pencils, pens, coffee cups, and hearts fell and stopped in unison. high tide. we're basically starting with nothing here. let us build a house, a bed. let us hunt our game. who are you to tell me otherwise. we leave the rest to the sea, the sand, and the stars. suddenly you're upside down. a large man in feathers and paint pokes you in the chest with a sharpened spear. bound and bloodied, your vision scrambled. time, does not exist. the bruises are not there. look into my eyes, what is it that you see? a monster in my closet. if we could go back. something off, something missing. 'back to the drawing board'. with sharp shooting pain, you collapse. fade to black. what happened? where are we? is it over now? look me in the eyes, tell me what you see, what is it that you seek...
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

Subject:WOLFMAN
Time:6:30 pm.
Mood: sad.
i did something i should not have done. staring a brick wall in the face, i feel sick to my stomach. i haven't eaten anything today. the phone's ringing off the hook. see the marvel that was uruk, ruined. i don't pick up the messages for days. sometimes i'm walking, and i feel acid buildup in my legs or something i get cramps all over, sometimes i'll be awake and i'm awake until i'm physically so tired my eyes start to water. bad decisions, choices, branching pathways, always on the wrong one. i wished unto her terrible things. how to live in a world you hate. how to cope when 'i'm not supposed to be here'. this is not my home. this is not where i belong. marvel through the looking glass, 'the place to be'. where love grows, love knows, love is all there is. our world, is one of the lower stages. life is suffering on this world. my love for people is dying. if given the choice to be alone, composed, or with people, them vultures, them wretches, i prefer the solitary path. my only comfort is scripture, in which i have no faith. i am no such heavenly archer. i am a wraith, a ghoul, rising from the dark. i bring pain and suffering to your house. they call me 'eggman'. i can fill your soul with mechanical parts. i can make you stronger.

'you are a wolf in sheep's clothing'
'and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise'

let us all, make amends, let us all, come together. let us make music. listen, to the music.

'my pain belongs to the divine. it is like air, it is like water'
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, June 7th, 2008

Subject:SURPRISE SURPRISE
Time:4:45 pm.
I told a cooworker today that my longest relationship was a month long. it was probably only 3 weeks, in retrospect. feeling ugly, poor, and despite decadent, expensive things surrounding me, i'm very much unfofilled. upon realizing this, that i've never had a real relationship, i realize quite simply that i probably never will. i'm the kind of person that is perfectly content simply existing, alone, as it always has been. there aren't any bones to be thrown, there aren't any more bones. i'm terrible at this. i realize also that i don't actually have any friends left. i have old friends, acquaintances, cooworkers and the like. but i don't have a single person that checks up on my well-being on a semi-daily basis. there aren't any. i expect very little from people, hoping to be surprised. the image that comes to mind is of me laying or sitting statuesque in one spot, eyeing the void, eyeing the dark, someone simply approaching, who would ask, simply 'are you ok?' the other example i've yet to use; requesting of someone 'look me in the eyes, and tell me what you see.' and i would stare pure and simple into theirs, and maybe, just maybe for long enough, a fleeting glimpse of a tattered, starved, weary young man might reach out to them. i feel, like there isn't anyone in the world for me. i feel, like i'm hungry. i am hungry, but i also feel hungry in a metaphorical sense. my cup is empty. where did all the rum go. i'm running out of gas. i want to go on sabbatical. i want a woman to find me. i want to fly away. these cries for help rarely received, but i still write them, as a record of my discontent. send me an angel, seriously please. all the women are gone, and me all dressed up. *shucks* i'll be a lifelong bachelor if this keeps up. i feel quite dead inside.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

Subject:THE ASS END
Time:4:13 am.
John Samson

THE ASS END of a 2-person costume

Out floating, we receive a distress call. Cries go unnoticed. Wells are tainted. Regiments fragmented, the stars do not care. The herds are on the move. You forgot my birthday, you know. The illusory nature of things is lifted. What never existed is dying out in number. The dream had ended. How exactly does one come to dominance, what is the shape of it. We were once all snakes, all fish. Stalking through reeds, poised. I am staring at Quetzalcoatl, He has come to us. Two worlds, standing, scrutinizing the fates. Grendel's shadow. Bring the rest, fill the boats. Grand percussion solo; cannonfire, fireworks. Horseless, you say. Best to wear a mask. Returning fire from beneath trenches. Moldy cheese. Horseless, for everyone. What’d ya find, there, Biff? Black stuff, says Biff. Violent nationalism; fanged, horned creature on the loose. There was something dearly wrong with those pigeons. It takes ten officers to finally take him down. They’ve broken into the house now, sacking everything. I ready my gun. And so we scorch the earth today. Then we play golf slowly, take pictures in funny suits. Don’t touch that dial. A grand, methodical spoiling of children. A small step. Paperwork crimes; masked men with flashlights in a hotel room. Increased market penetration, increased sales, increased earnings for fiscal year. Download your persona, download yourself. Unleash your power. 7 cents an hour. International business of politics. At the age of five, carving cardboard automatics, young dog of war. Watch the news, in horror. The day the crystal cracked. The dream has ended. Tomorrow, once good as canned peaches. Dead cities. Remember what it was like; smiles, makeup, well-lit photography. Let us lance the earth as an act of vengeance. Tomorrow not generally a bringer of fine things. They have taken over. No radio, no telephone, no water, no power. We, the scavengers. What’d ya find, there, Bill? Whatever ‘they’ are. It’s an old walkman, says Bill. March the desert, day 1. Still works and everything. We are on a bridge. Return fire from the rooftops, they are all coming at once. We are unique. Pull the pin, push down hard on the clutch, safety off. Hurling themselves toward us with supernatural speed. Open fire. We are alone. Arts and sciences, anthropology, mathematics. Make our way, find a way. Something is gone in them. The band is playing. He’s dead, we couldn’t save him. Lost, you look up at night. We stay where we are, try not to draw attention. You look up. They do not care, out there. We are running low, she is not doing well. Look up at night. They sit up there and watch us, laughing. We are compact. Are they like us? We are unique. Do they walk on two legs? We are all in a line.
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Wednesday, April 30th, 2008

Subject:THAT'S THE WAY IT OUGHT TO BE
Time:2:24 pm.
i made my peace with it, with the damn girl. the truth is i loved her heart and soul. she just didn't feel the same about me in the slightest. she'll never know the extent to which i put mental effort and thoughts directed towards her benefit. she'll never see neon genesis evangelion, or macross plus. and i will never watch freaks and geeks. if i can help it. i'm over it, but there is still a sadness in me. it's the same hole that was always there, it's merely wider now. i look at myself in the mirror sometimes, and simply see dark, evil things in me. but i continue on, that i do.
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Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Time:3:17 pm.
somewhere there is a ghoul, rising. tactless successors ignite long dead pyres. we were having a staring contest, you and i; there was no clear victor. invisible worlds collide with more pressing concerns. you told me you were vising your grandmother that night. that was a lie. you then called me 5 months later, a worse call i cannot imagine nor recall. i was eating a hamburger, you were sitting with your family in brown cordouroy pants, it was not the first time i said "goodbye forever, dear" and that fleeting image of long red hair exiting promptly burned forever in this swampy hall of records. i woke up one morning, eyes fused shut. i would say silently how i felt, the ghoul keeps it in a locked box under a bridge. now held a double-standard, cracked, and in reverse. the ghoul waits. the distance of continents came between us, the legitimacy came unto question, and i, in a fit of rage, got inked. i thought you were at arms reach, i realize now you were never so terribly close. i dropped my sunglasses unto the lake, you smiled, and i never saw you again. asking thor, pleading osiris and bast to send holy valkyrie soul search find rhyme and harmony and reason. yet all there was, was hades. the fellas all told me how it was, what i should do. yet i paid them no mind. you said you got surgery for that perfect C of yours, you the surgeon of zombie-clad garments. ghoul in the wind. i saw you again, you were distant. that final day i was also distant they were all getting drunk on the beach i caught your eye briefly there was a touch of sadness in it. i have not been true to you. i wanted nothing more than to keep you here. yet you had already left. they all leave. there is no one left. no one gets to leave, now, but me. there is a calm beneath, there is a hundred voices. of charlitains and shades, a makeshift jamboree, cracked.



this is a deadening, this is deadening, there are deadenings. friends will notice, acquaintances will not. i visit first with a man, then with a woman. i am fond of hating these two souls. devoid of color, all is crackers. i watch myself go, it is good. i do not require what i formerly did. i am not subject to the same laws. a vortex opens, i welcome it. i would eat them as directed. afterwards, i decided on the green grass, the trees, the sand and the sky to eat. the sand was there, though i had no likening to it. the green grass was walked on, not so much spoken of. i take a bite out of the sky, it bleeds, i drink. i am pleased to enact this veil, this shroud. all is in the shade. no grass, only sand. it is me and the sand and i yell out, i call out. the howling gale heeds my reply: "if sand is what you seek, it is all that you will see." we're running out of food. all of our cups are broken. i retreat unto a holy place, sanctuary, and leave the guts of the rest to someone else. i take a bite out of it, it bleeds.


heavy cruisers slag orbital stations from beyond the veil. the keycard he gave me is not the right one. a large tusked creature hurls a spear at you. typing ferociously, lines of code spewing like the guts of grendel himself. a fireworks display. widespread panic, a government mole forwards the nessassary files to you. ships descend. bring me my longsword. colors invert, greyscale darkens. i am again now afraid of things. the void calls, every last one. scorched minions swim up from the deep, smoking. we're taking on water.

a double-take sparks unforseen gusto. admiring museum-like the shambles in awe you ask questions. a powderous injection of CO2 gas. the magician, smiling, uncloaks his assisstant. if i am expectant of such, it will not come. a pile of boxes awaits your arrival. she came back to me. thrust your desire out the window, abandon all selves, shake free this skin of envy, silence the rest. there comes a time, comes a place. the body expands beyond its confines, the world shuts off, the sound of nothing faintly glows. it is nice here, you wish to stay.
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